A Monster Called Jack

Jack was a monster
Who lived in monster land
He looked like me and you
With two legs, two arms and hands

But Jack was not the same
For right upon his head
Where two eyes should have lived
He had three there instead

The other monsters ran
When they saw him from afar
For two eyes is ok
But three is just bazaar

The first eye could look left
The other to the right
But the one right in the centre
Could see everything at night

Now Jack would go to school
But not the way you do
He'd hide in a dark cupboard
And no one had a clue

He'd listen to the teacher
Reading all his books
Using his middle eye
To see in his dark nook

When the sun went down
He'd play some little games
Hiding in the shadows
But playing all the same

Wishing he had friends
Who he could play with too
Someone to throw a ball
Someone just like you

Then one day it all changed
When Jack helped save the day
Using his monster talents
In his very special way

For there were many monsters
And some were pretty big
In fact some were humongous
Especially one called Zig

Zig was bigger than Jack
And bigger than a tree
In fact Zig was so ginormous
He could drink a whole blue sea

One day he was feeling hungry
And spied Jack's little town
He saw his little school
And gulped it all straight down

Sitting in Zigs belly
The school was all pitch black
But one little monster could see
That monsters name was Jack

He climbed out from his cupboard
While Zig was having a doze
And climbed up from his tummy
So he could tickle Zigs nose

Now when Zig felt the tickle
He had a sneeze attack
And said ACHHOOO!!! so loudly
That he sent the school right back

Jack become a hero
For helping save the school
And all the other monsters said
"Jack, you really are quite cool"

Now Jack still goes to school
But he doesn't hide away
Instead he sits right at the front
As no one runs away

He's still a little monster
With three eyes upon his head
But no ones scared of how he looks
And they play with him instead

(c) Mark Sage 2013
Illustrated by Heath Sage

Archie the Dinosaur

Hatched from an egg, his mom and dad smiled
Our little boy, now out in the wild

A sharp pointy tail, long skinny neck
Legs made for running, a beak that can peck

Learning to speak, he asked them one day
“What is my name?” so his mum began to say

It starts with “ar-kee”
Followed by an “or”
With a “Nith-uh” in the middle
And a “my-mus” that we roar

Put it all together
Repeat after us
This is your name…
“Archaeornithomimus”

About to go to school, with new friends to make
The thought of telling them his name, was keeping him awake

Could he remember what to say, would he get it all out
Would he stutter or stammer? He was having doubts

Pondering on his name, it felt a little long
The only way to remember, was to sing the little song

It starts with “ar-kee”
Followed by an “or”
With a “Nith-uh” in the middle
And a “my-mus” that we roar

Put it all together
Repeat after us
This is my name…
“Archaeornithomimus”

Calling out their names, checking that they’re there
Teacher running down the list, checking the register

Getting to his name, she stops for a minute
Working out what to say, not sure how to say it

Putting up his hand, he says “Can I help miss?”
It’s easy to remember, when you say it like this

It starts with “ar-kee”
Followed by an “or”
With a “Nith-uh” in the middle
And a “my-mus” that we roar

Put it all together
Repeat after us
This is my name…
“Archaeornithomimus”

Another little boy, sitting just behind
Said my names pretty long, people tend to find

My name’s Tyrannosaurus, Tyrannosaurus Rex
Most people just shorten it, they find it too complex

If we find a shorter version, you can say it very quick
People will start to use it and you’ll find that it’ll stick

If it starts with “ar-kee”
Followed by an “or”
With a “Nith-uh” in the middle
And a “my-mus” that we roar

Then taking just the start
And ignoring all the rest
We can just call you Archie
That’ll work the best

(C) Mark Sage 2013

Bottom Burp!

Breakfast time, stopping at nans
No Coco Pops, there's only All Bran
Covered in milk in a bright yellow bowl
I fill up my tum before heading to school

Sitting in  class my tummy does a gurgle
Breakfast is moving making me giggle
Something is rumbling down below
I need to get out before it can blow

Crossing my legs I keep it inside
The feeling soon fades; what a rough ride!
The rest of the day, I'll watch what I slurp
I really don't need a big bottom burp!

Lunchtime at school, I go into the hall
Bean stew for lunch, that's not a good call
Eating it all I know I'm in trouble
Feeling it hit, my belly starts to bubble

Wanting dessert I have to stay where I am
Then I find out its treacle tart with prune jam
Covered in cream I clear every last spoon
But something is brewing as I digest the prune

Crossing my legs I keep it inside
The feeling soon fades; what a rough ride!
The rest of the day, I'll watch what I slurp
I really don't need a big bottom burp!

End of the day and school is no more
My belly's still rumbling so I'm out of the door
Running back home I hear my mum shout
"Dinner is ready, it's meat, peas and sprouts"

If my tummy was bad before all of this
It'll totally explode when all those sprouts hit
I try eating slowly but that doesn't work
My belly is shaking, it's dying to burp!

Crossing my legs I try to keep it inside
But the feeling wont fade, this is a rough ride!
I try to get up and run out of the room
But it is to late and my bottom goes boom!

Seconds pass by and it's a bit of a haze
My parents are sitting there still in a daze
The table has gone, the dog is now bald
The back of my trousers has a big hole!

The neighbours all heard it and came to the door
And were very surprised with the gap in the wall
Then the smell hit and they all held their noses
That bottom burps bad, it doesn't  smell of roses!

(C) Mark Sage 2013

Bogie

Theres an itch in my nose I give it a tickle
That's more than an itch, now this is a pickle
There something there, it's hard and crusty
I know this feeling, it a great big bogie!

Sitting in class there's kids all around
It has to come out, it's now making a sound
Singing like a whistle with every snort
I cant get it here, we'll have to abort

Raising my hand I ask for the toilet
Teachers not sure, "are you really desperate"
Fighting the urge to pluck it out there
I pretend I can't hold it and start shaking the chair

Thinking me ready to pee on the floor
Teacher sends me running out of the door
Can't wait any longer, I need it out
Its gonna be a big one, of that there's no doubt

Into my nose a long finger slides
There I can feel it, stuck fast to the side
Delving in deep my nail gets a grip
I tug it and pull it  in the hope it'll slip

But it wont budge, this stubborn piece of mucus
Going to have delve deeper and give it some focus
Using my thumb I give it a flick
And finally to bogie begins to unstick

Coming behind I hear teachers footsteps
Oh no this isn't good,  I've had no time to prep
The bogie in hand I have to get rid
I can't really tell teacher what I just did

No hankie in pocket or toilet close by
There only one option I have left to try
Slipping my thumb into my mouth
I scoop off the bogie and swallow it south

Thinking me finished I'm sent back to class
And I give a big grin as I'm walking past
The teacher doesn't really know why I am smilin'
But it's just because my bogie tastes like chicken

(C) Mark Sage 2013